Leap of Faith

1/11/12

I recently took a huge leap of faith.  I quit my stable job as Operations Manager for a quickly growing, fast-serve restaurant chain.  I had worked for this company for 5 solid years, plus an additional 3 years on-and-off, prior to that.  I committed endless hours and 100% committed energy into the company, making it a top priority in my life.  At the same time, my husband has been developing himself into a very talented tattoo artist.  I worked to provide a stable foundation for our family as he spent his time learning, practicing, and eventually opening our a tattoo shop.   I would guess that this is a similar story to many young couples who decide that for the long haul, someone has to put their dreams on hold, in order for the other to fully persue theirs.  I would also guess that this is especially common for young couples with children.  The luxury of taking out loans or having time to study, is quickly vanished with the introduction of children into the equation.  Someone has to provide cold hard cash.  Life is expensive and someone has to make ends meet.

Like I said, though, I recently quit this job and took a huge leap of faith.  What I am leaping into, I have no idea!  The fears that have surfaced are evil demons that thrive on sequestering dreams.  Where do they come from?  I'm pretty sure that most of us spend the majority of our time placating these demons by working unsatisfactory jobs, sticking with familiar rountines, and generally not daring to leave our comfort zones.  They are nasty buggers, but I'm starting to find out that if you live in this fear, you lose the possibility and the ability to experience the highest highs and the lowest lows.  You mostly just coast right down the middle, living a life that is somehow not your own, but "safe."  

People keep asking me what I'm going to do.  In fact, I keep asking myself what I'm going to do.  I think most people want to know that I have the next step figured out.  That I have "a plan."  My ego wants me to know too, but the core of me knows "I ain't got a clue."  What I do know is that when I've found myself in a similar circumstance in the past, if I opened myself up, opportunities arose.  I'm not one to waller in the mud, no, I'm a busy body who has to stay busy to have a sense of self worth, satisfaction, accomplishment.  But, what I'm slowly learning as I get older, is that you can't force things.  You can't be someone other than who you are.  When the river is rough, you gotta go with the flow.  There is no point in fighting it and exhausting yourself into a limp fish.  Life is too short.   Life is a gift.  There are a milion other people out there who do amazing wonderful things, but there is only one you.  You are the only person who has the exact culmination of experiences that make you who you are.  And, that is a perfect thing to be because it sets you apart.  You have to tap into that and find the essence.  Find the thing that makes you you and makes you smile and follow its lead.

So, while I sit in this pot and stew, I'm going to keep making my children's books.  I'm going to write them, illustrate them, publish them, and I'm not going to worry that I'm not saving the world.  I'm not going to worry about the money in the bank.  I'm going to show my daughters that I'm doing what I love and therefor I'm happy.  I know in my gut that if I stick to that formula, it will pay off and I'll be sitting back drinking pina coladas on the beach before you can say, "EVIL DEMON BE GONE!"