Breeders

I once saw a Facebook status update that said, "Stop breeding, you narcissists!"

At first I was pissed.  Then I started questioning myself, and it started a whole entire inner dialogue that I haven't expressed to until now.

I think it is natural and human (and our basic first instinct) to defend what is most familiar to us.  My initial reaction to be pissed was in defense to my situation, as a person who has chosen to be a mother twice.  I would guess that the person who posted the comment was in some way defending their position as someone who has chosen not to have children.

There is definitely a time in ones life that you either decide that you want to be a parent, or not.  Some people struggle with the decision more than others, feeling a sense of obligation to reproduce, but not feeling the internal desire.  Some people come into this world knowing that they will one day be parents, and in fact, they look forward to that time in their lives.

I find it very interesting that such a primal instinct isn't always universal.  I think it has become increasingly "popular" to not have children, and these days with the exponential population increase, countless children in foster care and orphanages, child abuse and neglect, poverty, and the overall state of our world, I applaud those who chose not to reproduce.  In fact, I've said many a time, "People should be required to have a license to have a kid."

But... for someone to claim that having children is narcissistic, certainly made this mother's blood boil.  I'll tell you why.  As a mom, you don't have the luxury of being narcissistic.  You are lucky if you can find 5 minutes in the day to comb your hair, take a shower, or have a cup of tea.  There is nothing more self sacrificing that having children, and there is also nothing else out there that makes you come to terms with your own selfishness, humanness, and potential to get out of your own way to give and receive love.

At six weeks pregnant with my first child, I spent a week at a Shambhala meditation retreat called "Dathun."  I had a hard time sitting still, and wrestled with my lack of self discipline.  During a one-on-one interview I had with my teacher, I expressed my frustrations with myself and I told him that I had previously taken my refuge vows (in the Buddhist tradition is an acknowledgment of the path you've chosen towards awakening), but that I wanted to take the next step (Bodhisattva vows) to deepen my commitment to the practice and the path.  As a Bodhisattva, you dedicate your life towards the service of others. When I expressed this to my teacher, he simply said, "You already have. By becoming a mother, you have taken your Bodhisattva vow."  This has always stuck with me and it helps me when I'm challenged by mother-hood and all of its stresses.  Linking my day to day life into my spiritual practice, has helped me start to peel back layers of the onion.  Sometimes I see parts of myself that didn't know were there, and I'm actually proud to be me!  It's like reassurance that I'm on the path towards becoming the person I've always hoped I would be.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, but it was never in the vain of wanting to reproduce, spread my seed, or have a clone.  It was always because I knew how much it would challenge me to actually grow up.