Grocery Store HELL, and how IKEA is swell.

Grocery Store Hell
The local Whole Foods recently expanded into a "Super Whole Foods."  I typically avoid Whole Foods because of its marked up prices, and overwhelming selection, and since it's expansion, my aversion to it has only grown stronger.  But, on this particular day, during a 3-child play date, my husband, who was crazy busy at work, asked me to get him a chicken Caesar salad for lunch, and Whole Foods was the closest option.  I held my breath and pulled into the parking lot.  A six, five, and two year old pile out of the car as I stave off the incessant demands for one thing or another.  "Mom! Can we get a cookie?"  I wanna play on the play ground."  We walk past the "Barking Lot"...  yes, that's right, Whole Foods has pandered to the dog friendly population by offering a play area complete with a foot-pump water fountain, and a doggie treat quarter machine.  "Wow," I think, "Only in Boulder."  We pass the exotic fruits and vegetables, the hanging plants and beautiful bouquets, and the prepared foods section, as I am continuing to deflect the requests for this and that.  I attempt to make a bee-line for the prepped salad section, but notice that even I have a hard time resisting the thousands of temptations offered by this retail food giant.  I observe how overwhelmed my senses are and try to empathize with how the children's sensitivities are even more overwhelmed because they don't have the years of filtering experience, like I do.
We reach the check out line, and apparently I enter the line backwards because the check out guy gives me an awkward and irritated look, but quickly forgives my mistake.  He rings me up as my two year old stands up in the grocery cart, the six year old rants that she has to pee, and my five-year-old begs for a cookie.  Amidst the distraction, I stop and look the cashier in the eye and apologize, "I'm a little overwhelmed," I squeak.  He understands and explains to me that Whole Foods offers a Kids Club, where every day they have a free snack for kids.  "BRILLIANT," I think, and take him up on the offer...that is...after I buckle back in a screaming two year old, shuffle through the masses of people, and make it to the potty for our frantic friend.
This experience pales in comparison to my most recent grocery store nightmare at King Soopers, which left me almost too embarrassed to ever return.  I'm sure most moms will agree, grocery shopping with kids is pretty much the last thing you want to do with your time.  Unfortunately its not elective, its imperative, often meaning that we have no choice but to include our children in the "joyous" experience.  Snacks.  Snacks are key, but usually you can't convince your kids to eat what you brought because they want what they see!  Isles and isles of temptations...and how can you blame them?  Needless to say I let my kids snack on what ever they want from the cart.  On this particular day, we get to the check out line with a full cart.  My kids are already anticipating wanting to ride the mechanical horse, so I search for a penny while trying to explain to the cashier that I have my own bags, but that they are underneath the mountain of groceries.  My two-year-old literally melts onto the floor because I can't find a penny in my purse.  Really!?  Not a single penny!?  I beg the cashier to give me change for a dime.  He is chagrined when he has to "back out" of the order and un-ring all of the groceries he's already rang, just to change out a dime.  "I'm sorry!  I'm sorry," I say.  OK, good, the kids are happy riding the horse.
The cashier suddenly stops and he picks up a half eaten bag of bulk gorp and holds it in front of my face and grunts, "Whats this?"
"Um, oh, uh, well," I stutter, "It had a tag, but I don't know where it is.  I'll look for it while you ring up the rest." I frantically search for the tag, and out of the corner of my eye, I see that he has stopped ringing up items, as if to punish me for my "irresponsibility."  This guy obviously doesn't have kids.  We are like a ticking time bomb about to explode at any moment, and I think the cashier is getting off on watching me suffer.  I apologize again, because I can't find the tag.  He pretends not to care and tells me he'll do a price check.  OH NO!  He abandons me to do the price check himself, instead of calling someone else to do it.  Again, punishment.  The horsey ride ends.  I panic.  The kids start pulling books and and candy our of the check out isle.  I scramble behind them, trying to make it right and meanwhile the cashier returns and continues to check me out at a painful speed.  I see the bottom of the cart and feel a sense of relief to realize that we're almost done, until I spot the half-eaten pear that he is about to reach.  "Oh dear, he's gonna love this one," I think to myself.  He picks up the pear by the stem, holding it as if it were a dead rat that he has caught in a trap.  He doesn't even comment, but his face is enough to shame me into repentance.
We survive the ordeal, and get to the car, as I negotiate with my kids about which snacks they need for the ride home.  Almost in tears, I drive home, savoring a brief (and relative) moment of quiet, in preparation for the next routine.
Mothering is a constant juggling act.  We are constantly pacifying, coordinating, and attempting to depurate our environment to make for a peaceful existence.  We wear more hats than any other titled role that I can think of, therefor I believe that mothers should be given more slack than the average person. I know that moms catch a bad rap, usually from people who have no inclination of what it is like to be a mom.  Patience.  Mom's have to find patience in places of their being, like searching for a glimmer of hope in the dark corners of Neverland.
I give Whole Foods a thumbs up for at least acknowledging that offering a simple snack can be a huge help to a struggling mom.  I will continue to search for that euphoric grocery store experience and promise to blog about it when I find it.
In closing, I have to give a shout out to IKEA and the Swedish model, of offering childcare as an option for your shopping experience.  And to top that, they don't allow children who are not potty trained into the play area.  That may sound like a nuisance, but I swear, two days after our trip to IKEA, our two-year old was potty trained.  I'm convinced that she was internally scarred that her big sister was allowed to do something that she was not and therefor took it upon herself to get potty trained.  I'm like, "Damn!  Childcare, a new bunkbed, and they potty trained my kid!  Yes, IKEA, I will be back for more. :)

Breeders

I once saw a Facebook status update that said, "Stop breeding, you narcissists!"

At first I was pissed.  Then I started questioning myself, and it started a whole entire inner dialogue that I haven't expressed to until now.

I think it is natural and human (and our basic first instinct) to defend what is most familiar to us.  My initial reaction to be pissed was in defense to my situation, as a person who has chosen to be a mother twice.  I would guess that the person who posted the comment was in some way defending their position as someone who has chosen not to have children.

There is definitely a time in ones life that you either decide that you want to be a parent, or not.  Some people struggle with the decision more than others, feeling a sense of obligation to reproduce, but not feeling the internal desire.  Some people come into this world knowing that they will one day be parents, and in fact, they look forward to that time in their lives.

I find it very interesting that such a primal instinct isn't always universal.  I think it has become increasingly "popular" to not have children, and these days with the exponential population increase, countless children in foster care and orphanages, child abuse and neglect, poverty, and the overall state of our world, I applaud those who chose not to reproduce.  In fact, I've said many a time, "People should be required to have a license to have a kid."

But... for someone to claim that having children is narcissistic, certainly made this mother's blood boil.  I'll tell you why.  As a mom, you don't have the luxury of being narcissistic.  You are lucky if you can find 5 minutes in the day to comb your hair, take a shower, or have a cup of tea.  There is nothing more self sacrificing that having children, and there is also nothing else out there that makes you come to terms with your own selfishness, humanness, and potential to get out of your own way to give and receive love.

At six weeks pregnant with my first child, I spent a week at a Shambhala meditation retreat called "Dathun."  I had a hard time sitting still, and wrestled with my lack of self discipline.  During a one-on-one interview I had with my teacher, I expressed my frustrations with myself and I told him that I had previously taken my refuge vows (in the Buddhist tradition is an acknowledgment of the path you've chosen towards awakening), but that I wanted to take the next step (Bodhisattva vows) to deepen my commitment to the practice and the path.  As a Bodhisattva, you dedicate your life towards the service of others. When I expressed this to my teacher, he simply said, "You already have. By becoming a mother, you have taken your Bodhisattva vow."  This has always stuck with me and it helps me when I'm challenged by mother-hood and all of its stresses.  Linking my day to day life into my spiritual practice, has helped me start to peel back layers of the onion.  Sometimes I see parts of myself that didn't know were there, and I'm actually proud to be me!  It's like reassurance that I'm on the path towards becoming the person I've always hoped I would be.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother, but it was never in the vain of wanting to reproduce, spread my seed, or have a clone.  It was always because I knew how much it would challenge me to actually grow up.

Kids when they won't eat.

When kids won't eat, its the worst.  You get up extra early to make them breakfast, you compromise "normal grocery store choices" for "kid friendly" choices, and you order specifically for them at restaurants.  If you're lucky, they eat one bite and they're on to the next thing.  Its one of the most madening things as a parent.  As I'm scraping food into the compost bucket, I'm think how much $$ was just wasted, and I'm completely annoyed because I'm anticipating a low blood sugar melt down in T-minus 30 minutes. Sometimes I wish that I had a mobile kitchen and a personal chef to just follow us around with the perfectly proportioned items that are sure to get gobbled up.  It just ain't gonna happen, though.  There is NOTHING more satisfying as hearing, "Oh, your daughter just ate everything on her plate," or "She's such a good eater," (which is a rare occasion.)

I've heard that kids have an internal "knowing" of what nutrients/minerals they need for their bodies, but I'm not sure I believe it.  My kids would be happy to live off pizza, french fries, and ice-cream, if I let them.  Sometimes I try to sneak the health food into the mix, by blending veggies into the sauce, or covering the veggies with cheese.  Sometimes I get lucky, but most of the time its a miss.  I'm not sure what the solution is.  I suppose if I just step back and look at them, I will see that they are perfectly healthy and happy kids, and maybe they really do have an intuition about what they need.  Atleast they LOVE seaweed.  SHEESH!

Leap of Faith

1/11/12

I recently took a huge leap of faith.  I quit my stable job as Operations Manager for a quickly growing, fast-serve restaurant chain.  I had worked for this company for 5 solid years, plus an additional 3 years on-and-off, prior to that.  I committed endless hours and 100% committed energy into the company, making it a top priority in my life.  At the same time, my husband has been developing himself into a very talented tattoo artist.  I worked to provide a stable foundation for our family as he spent his time learning, practicing, and eventually opening our a tattoo shop.   I would guess that this is a similar story to many young couples who decide that for the long haul, someone has to put their dreams on hold, in order for the other to fully persue theirs.  I would also guess that this is especially common for young couples with children.  The luxury of taking out loans or having time to study, is quickly vanished with the introduction of children into the equation.  Someone has to provide cold hard cash.  Life is expensive and someone has to make ends meet.

Like I said, though, I recently quit this job and took a huge leap of faith.  What I am leaping into, I have no idea!  The fears that have surfaced are evil demons that thrive on sequestering dreams.  Where do they come from?  I'm pretty sure that most of us spend the majority of our time placating these demons by working unsatisfactory jobs, sticking with familiar rountines, and generally not daring to leave our comfort zones.  They are nasty buggers, but I'm starting to find out that if you live in this fear, you lose the possibility and the ability to experience the highest highs and the lowest lows.  You mostly just coast right down the middle, living a life that is somehow not your own, but "safe."  

People keep asking me what I'm going to do.  In fact, I keep asking myself what I'm going to do.  I think most people want to know that I have the next step figured out.  That I have "a plan."  My ego wants me to know too, but the core of me knows "I ain't got a clue."  What I do know is that when I've found myself in a similar circumstance in the past, if I opened myself up, opportunities arose.  I'm not one to waller in the mud, no, I'm a busy body who has to stay busy to have a sense of self worth, satisfaction, accomplishment.  But, what I'm slowly learning as I get older, is that you can't force things.  You can't be someone other than who you are.  When the river is rough, you gotta go with the flow.  There is no point in fighting it and exhausting yourself into a limp fish.  Life is too short.   Life is a gift.  There are a milion other people out there who do amazing wonderful things, but there is only one you.  You are the only person who has the exact culmination of experiences that make you who you are.  And, that is a perfect thing to be because it sets you apart.  You have to tap into that and find the essence.  Find the thing that makes you you and makes you smile and follow its lead.

So, while I sit in this pot and stew, I'm going to keep making my children's books.  I'm going to write them, illustrate them, publish them, and I'm not going to worry that I'm not saving the world.  I'm not going to worry about the money in the bank.  I'm going to show my daughters that I'm doing what I love and therefor I'm happy.  I know in my gut that if I stick to that formula, it will pay off and I'll be sitting back drinking pina coladas on the beach before you can say, "EVIL DEMON BE GONE!"

why did the chicken cross the road?

I have always loved chickens.  This photo is by my friend Jen Haley.  She is a very dynamic artist specializing in mosaic, painting, and photography.  Check out her work at www.haleyarts.com

Be a hero...help a mom.

9/2/07

I spent the evening at a friends party, mostly following my one-year-old around, making sure she wasn’t getting into anything dangerous. I remember when I was pregnant and I would see other moms with children between the ages of 1-3 following their children around at parties. I thought to myself, “Oh that’ll never be me.” For some reason I thought I’d be exempt from those duties. Even during the first several months of my daughters life, I still thought that we were the exception to the rule. She slept so well, and was such an easy baby. I thought we’d cruise through parenthood without a glitch. Although she is still a relatively easy baby, and a total sweetheart, I have to come to terms with the fact that she is growing up. Her mind is developing, her skills are growing, and the world around her is her oyster. If its there, she’s into it. I am the facilitator, her protector, and we are each other’s teachers. Every day I am offered the opportunity to practice patients, self-sacrifice, and unconditional love. It’s not always easy, but it is rewarded. When she comes to Me when she needs comfort, when she lays her head on my shoulder with complete trust, or when she looks in my eyes and says “Mambap,” (Mama) it makes it all worth it.

It's still funny to me how people who don’t have children are pretty clueless about them. I have to suggest to all people who don’t have children, if you see a mom who looks like she needs help, or could use a break, offer a hand! Even 10 minutes of free time away from baby can make a woman’s day. Be a hero and take the baby for a walk. You might just have a moment, and connect with that divine presence.

Waitressing

9/2/07

As a waitress, you rely on the generosity and overall courtesy of other human beings as your mainstay. There is a lot of trust involved when you roll outta bed and make the decision to, once again, serve the human race. Sometimes you’re disappointed, hurt even at the sheer selfishness of people. There are some who seem to pray upon restaurants, looking to make a fuss to gain anything for free. It is the duty of the restaurant manager to make sure that every customer is satisfied, and by god, some of them know it and take advantage. “My food was cold, and the service was terrible.”

You get a pretty good idea of the human condition when you wait tables. My husband often says, “People should have to serve a minimum of 5 years in the military or wait tables for the same amount of time. That way we’d all appreciate service.” I think he is right, and the entitlement of people shocks me sometimes. It’s as if they think they’re the only ones in the world and they deserve YOUR undivided attention.

Yesterday I served two ladies, probably mother and daughter. Their bill totaled $12. Unfortunately they had to wait a half an hour for their “split plate” meal because the kitchen got slammed with 2 huge orders, plus the rest of the restaurant, before their order went in. I explained to them what was taking so long and continued to serve the other 6 tables in my section; continually checking their iced tea to make sure it was filled. I apologized again when their food finally arrived, and they accepted the apology and said, “No problem, thank you so much.” A split plate later, I had one arm stacked with dirty dished a black book full of orders to put in the computer, and hardly a spare minute. I dropped their bill and continued clearing tables. The older woman must of thought I didn’t have enough to do already, and couldn’t wait for me to make my next round, so she hastily got up and handed me her credit card. I wondered where she wanted me to put it. Needless to say, I got a definite 0 as a tip and later a meeting with the manager for my “neglectful” service.

I care about people. I studied early childhood education in college and before that I had planned on being a psychologist so that I could help people as a profession. So, I take it personally when people make insults at me. It haunts me in my dreams and in my conscious state. My husband does a great job of being my sounding board over and over again, bless his heart. He’ll always say to me, “You have to let it go.”

Sometimes I feel like there is no hope. I can’t figure out where to begin. If I can’t please someone with a meal, or make my family run smoothly, how can I begin to help the greater population? Michelle Obama, said in reference to Barak Obama’s ability to run as president, “If you can’t run your family and be a good father to your family, how can you expect to run your country.” I loved this quote because I believe that we have to start with our homes and our communities to begin to affect change in the world. But, I’m certainly not tooting my own horn. I am very guilty of losing my patients in my family. Spending half of my daughter’s naptime, trying to keep her asleep gets my blood boiling. Or reminding my husband to “Please put your laundry IN the basket, not NEXT to it!” It’s a daily struggle, and when the struggle is so daunting with the two people I love more than anything in this world, I surely don’t have answers about how to deal with the rest.