Grocery Store Hell
The local Whole Foods recently expanded into a "Super Whole Foods." I typically avoid Whole Foods because of its marked up prices, and overwhelming selection, and since it's expansion, my aversion to it has only grown stronger. But, on this particular day, during a 3-child play date, my husband, who was crazy busy at work, asked me to get him a chicken Caesar salad for lunch, and Whole Foods was the closest option. I held my breath and pulled into the parking lot. A six, five, and two year old pile out of the car as I stave off the incessant demands for one thing or another. "Mom! Can we get a cookie?" I wanna play on the play ground." We walk past the "Barking Lot"... yes, that's right, Whole Foods has pandered to the dog friendly population by offering a play area complete with a foot-pump water fountain, and a doggie treat quarter machine. "Wow," I think, "Only in Boulder." We pass the exotic fruits and vegetables, the hanging plants and beautiful bouquets, and the prepared foods section, as I am continuing to deflect the requests for this and that. I attempt to make a bee-line for the prepped salad section, but notice that even I have a hard time resisting the thousands of temptations offered by this retail food giant. I observe how overwhelmed my senses are and try to empathize with how the children's sensitivities are even more overwhelmed because they don't have the years of filtering experience, like I do.
We reach the check out line, and apparently I enter the line backwards because the check out guy gives me an awkward and irritated look, but quickly forgives my mistake. He rings me up as my two year old stands up in the grocery cart, the six year old rants that she has to pee, and my five-year-old begs for a cookie. Amidst the distraction, I stop and look the cashier in the eye and apologize, "I'm a little overwhelmed," I squeak. He understands and explains to me that Whole Foods offers a Kids Club, where every day they have a free snack for kids. "BRILLIANT," I think, and take him up on the offer...that is...after I buckle back in a screaming two year old, shuffle through the masses of people, and make it to the potty for our frantic friend.
This experience pales in comparison to my most recent grocery store nightmare at King Soopers, which left me almost too embarrassed to ever return. I'm sure most moms will agree, grocery shopping with kids is pretty much the last thing you want to do with your time. Unfortunately its not elective, its imperative, often meaning that we have no choice but to include our children in the "joyous" experience. Snacks. Snacks are key, but usually you can't convince your kids to eat what you brought because they want what they see! Isles and isles of temptations...and how can you blame them? Needless to say I let my kids snack on what ever they want from the cart. On this particular day, we get to the check out line with a full cart. My kids are already anticipating wanting to ride the mechanical horse, so I search for a penny while trying to explain to the cashier that I have my own bags, but that they are underneath the mountain of groceries. My two-year-old literally melts onto the floor because I can't find a penny in my purse. Really!? Not a single penny!? I beg the cashier to give me change for a dime. He is chagrined when he has to "back out" of the order and un-ring all of the groceries he's already rang, just to change out a dime. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry," I say. OK, good, the kids are happy riding the horse.
The cashier suddenly stops and he picks up a half eaten bag of bulk gorp and holds it in front of my face and grunts, "Whats this?"
"Um, oh, uh, well," I stutter, "It had a tag, but I don't know where it is. I'll look for it while you ring up the rest." I frantically search for the tag, and out of the corner of my eye, I see that he has stopped ringing up items, as if to punish me for my "irresponsibility." This guy obviously doesn't have kids. We are like a ticking time bomb about to explode at any moment, and I think the cashier is getting off on watching me suffer. I apologize again, because I can't find the tag. He pretends not to care and tells me he'll do a price check. OH NO! He abandons me to do the price check himself, instead of calling someone else to do it. Again, punishment. The horsey ride ends. I panic. The kids start pulling books and and candy our of the check out isle. I scramble behind them, trying to make it right and meanwhile the cashier returns and continues to check me out at a painful speed. I see the bottom of the cart and feel a sense of relief to realize that we're almost done, until I spot the half-eaten pear that he is about to reach. "Oh dear, he's gonna love this one," I think to myself. He picks up the pear by the stem, holding it as if it were a dead rat that he has caught in a trap. He doesn't even comment, but his face is enough to shame me into repentance.
We survive the ordeal, and get to the car, as I negotiate with my kids about which snacks they need for the ride home. Almost in tears, I drive home, savoring a brief (and relative) moment of quiet, in preparation for the next routine.
Mothering is a constant juggling act. We are constantly pacifying, coordinating, and attempting to depurate our environment to make for a peaceful existence. We wear more hats than any other titled role that I can think of, therefor I believe that mothers should be given more slack than the average person. I know that moms catch a bad rap, usually from people who have no inclination of what it is like to be a mom. Patience. Mom's have to find patience in places of their being, like searching for a glimmer of hope in the dark corners of Neverland.
I give Whole Foods a thumbs up for at least acknowledging that offering a simple snack can be a huge help to a struggling mom. I will continue to search for that euphoric grocery store experience and promise to blog about it when I find it.
In closing, I have to give a shout out to IKEA and the Swedish model, of offering childcare as an option for your shopping experience. And to top that, they don't allow children who are not potty trained into the play area. That may sound like a nuisance, but I swear, two days after our trip to IKEA, our two-year old was potty trained. I'm convinced that she was internally scarred that her big sister was allowed to do something that she was not and therefor took it upon herself to get potty trained. I'm like, "Damn! Childcare, a new bunkbed, and they potty trained my kid! Yes, IKEA, I will be back for more. :)
